Happy 5th Birthday to my precious Ruby.. 
From the moment of losing you, life hasn’t been the same, waheguru has blessed me with so many things but even 5 years on I am still hurting the same if not more than that moment I was told ‘Sorry..’ I wish you were here to see how much you are loved.

I had been writing a blog about my life over the last 5 years and how I have managed to cope with this grief but I have not been strong enough to share it.
To say each day, week, month and year has been difficult would be an understatement. 
I have gone from being a strong minded woman to now being so emotionally weak.. 
The winter months that lead up to February are the most difficult for me and the heartache is unreal.

I have days and nights when I still break down. The things which wouldn’t have bothered me before now make me emotional and the pressure on my relationship has also been evident.. I find it hard to say why I get so upset because people expect me to be okay, some expect me not to talk about Ruby or my feelings but the fact is I have never been able to get over it and even after all these years I am still grieving. I am always questioning myself whether it will get easier. I try really hard to stay strong but I do fall weak at times. I never want to forget Ruby, I just want it to be less painful. I don’t have the courage to visit her grave because I know I wouldn’t be able to leave from there..

Yuvraj and Ruben have both been a huge blessing in my life and the happiness they have given me is just something else. They have given me life again and the reason I keep them both so protected and attached is because of how insecure I have become since Ruby. The days I feel so torn, the love from my boys helps me get back up with a smile. 

As each year passes I imagine what my beautiful girl would have been like and the wonderful big sister she would have been.
I get quite sad when I think about the things i haven’t been able to do for Ruby even the small things like dressing her up and doing her hair. No parent deserves the pain of losing a child.

At every special moment in our life I miss you so much...I love you my darling Ruby 😘💜  

#RubyKaurSidhu #MyFirstBorn #MyDiamond #HowMuchIMissYou